The Possibility of Ideas

I had a great conversation with a friend recently. I was speaking about how frustrated I felt when plans did not go as expected. She quickly replied with this comment: “Don’t think of them as plans; think of them as ideas. Ideas can get BETTER!”

My prior post spoke about my general excitement about being in Asheville. At that point, I thought I was moving to Asheville. I got a place and everything, but that ‘plan’ didn’t go as expected. It gave me a lot of pause, but it also gave me time to think up a better idea; which I think will ultimately allow us to have many more exciting possibilities.

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Thrilled

Today I’m in Asheville, NC!  Yay, first month of the year, and I’ve already accomplished one goal…..Take that, Resolutions!

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Stories Left Behind

Today I realized that we are your story left behind.

I loved to listening to your voice. You were a beautiful story teller. Even if I did not believe. You enthralled me. They seemed like such tall tales. I was so surprised to hear the truth of these wild spins, but you were already gone.

We have become your story left behind. We are the ones you would have been enthralled by. We are the story you never could have imagined. We are the ones you would not have believed.

But we exist.

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Resolutions: The Stars Told Me This Is So?

It’s been ages since I’ve sent out a New Years note, and I’ve wondered why.  It seems the last time I remember sending one out was before I had Ali.  Forgive me, if I end up seeming sappy or even strange.  I suppose I enjoy analyzing these sorts of things, and every so often it’s nice to have folks to peek in with me.  What better time than the New Year.  Recently, I had a funny experience.  One that in some ways made me want to cry, and in others, made me furious as a lion.  I am a Leo after all……Yes, I hope all of you are shaking your heads at the hilariousness of me using this line.  

I had a phone interview with a woman who essentially told me that I did not have the proper energy to be part of her community.  I was sending out negative vibes, and obviously I needed to come to terms with the negative spirit that had overtaken my life.  How she deducted this on the phone is beyond me, but it completely set me off.  

As I am currently thinking about going to Tucson for the next couple of months, it reminded me of a funny experience I had there many years ago in which two fairly crazy people (in my book) told me:  You are in love with me (both of them; even though I had a boyfriend), you are satan (one of them), the stars told them that this is so (both of them) 

I will tell you that I am not beyond believing that there are many things that I do not know about life, and that perhaps it is possible that there are negative energies in the world, and they can overtake people…..BUT…..rarely, do I believe the people who tell me this.  They do leave me feeling unsettled though……how foul!!!!!!   Which made me think of the second thing that happened in Tucson, and helped me deal with how strange that time was.  A gentleman walked up to me on the street one day and introduced himself.  He quite simply told me that he had been sent to tell me something, and this is what he said (as best as I can remember)  “Do not believe everything people say about you, and listen to your dreams; they will tell you everything you need to know.”  and then he just as simply walked away from me.  Sure, it might not floor most people, but it was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment…..it probably would have meant absolutely nothing if he had come to say this to me at another point in my life, and strangley enough I have had some life changing dreams since that talk.  Dreams unlike any I had ever had before.  Does it mean something?   Hell, if I know, but I sure do find it interesting. 

My resolution for 2011?……listen to my dreams, and live them…….as long as they are to my liking.  *smiles* 

 What are your resolutions? 

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Running in Underwear only means I’m depressed…..

I’ve come to the realization that I may be slightly more heartbroken than I’m letting on.  Some of the greater signs of this phenomenon include:

1. Shaving my legs…..

2. Followed by the thought: I could shave my head too!

3.  Eating soup out of a can and determining that it is definitely a well balanced meal

4.  Deciding that running could be a fun past time after all

5.  Perhaps I should wear these underwear while I’m running…….

6.  Who knew?  Pabst Blue Ribbon tastes awesome!

7.  Listening to Islands in the Stream……..on repeat

All in all, I think you’d have to know me to understand…….something is seriously wrong.

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letting go of winter

I have just woken up from a nap, and I am surprised to find my mind wandering throughout the house.  Searching out winter.  Some days I forget that I have left the house.  Today, I forgot that I left the house.  It seems too far off to have actually happened.  That is how summer feels-to far off to have actually happened.  Everyday repeated.  Until one day we wake up from a nap and gracefully accept the entrance of spring, and quietly let go of the hand of winter.

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i love life

today is valentines day, and part of me thinks i should be sad for not having someone to share it with.  yet, i have wonderful memories of being in love.  i’ve thought a lot this week of loving people and the very passing beauty of it.  how much i miss moments.  how much i am so relieved to not be in others.  i think of friends and wonder at all the different ways we can experience love.  i marvel at the people we fall in love with.  there is someone for everyone.  i have prayed for love and cursed the love i received, but i would truly not wish it other wise.  thank you to all those who i have been honored to love and who have loved me in turn.  it’s been a glorious journey.  i’m sure there’s more than i could ever imagine.  it’s been amazing thus far.

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Josh, seattle



Josh, seattle, originally uploaded by Scrunchleface.

This was the time of year that I meet Joshua Loring. I can’t help but miss him. I remember him opening the door on Morrison and looking at me with his crazy look of surprise. He told me later that he wanted to ignore me, because I was too strange. Really who dresses up in costume and rides a bike? It seems funny now that he lived in Portland. We could have never guessed that he would one day have a son with that “strange” woman on his doorstep………I miss you Josh.

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January Magic

I am not the biggest fan of cold weather.  So this morning as I walked my bike down the street with Ali clutching the bike seat……well, there was a lot of motherly love that gave him my wahwahs (gloves) for his three year old hands.  I think it would have been a great picture.  We’ll have to capture it in memory.  

I must have earned good karma.  A few fridged minutes later I found Christmas lights sitting on the side of the road.  I came home this afternoon, and they worked!  I really wanted to buy Christmas lights during the sales, but I didn’t have the money.  It’s nice to know that my silent wishes do come true……

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Two Dead Roosters

My kitchen has a strange smell settling over it.  

The afternoon seems surreal as I walk in and watch the large, foreign stockpot on the stove.   I live on a city block, in an apartment building.   There are two dead roosters in this small kitchen on Windsor Avenue.  One lays in the sink his feathery white body being plucked.  There is much confusion in this kitchen.  My son is running back and forth, and Raymond is standing by the sink holding the rooster by his feet.  “What is the best amount of time to scald a chicken for optimal plucking?”  We should be thinking seconds, not minutes.  This is something we realize later, but there is a first for everything.  The second rooster sits in a plastic honey bucket on the floor. 

I wonder aloud, “Did Ali watch them get killed?” 

 ”No.” 

I’m curious as to what he might have thought.  Ali walks into the kitchen and talks about the chickens.  What are we doing to the chickens and the continuous, regular question of “why”   He is almost four.  It’s to be expected. 

I watch curiously, realizing that the bird in the honey bucket is soon to be my afternoon project.  Raymond has to leave.  I try to gather all the information I need to pluck and clean a rooster.  It’s a quick fifteen minute tutorial that doesn’t quite seem adequate as I stand cautiously next to the limp rooster in the bucket.  The door closes behind Raymond, and I am left looking at the rooster and watching my son run about the kitchen screaming for me to give him blender parts so he can cook too.  I pull the rooster out of the bucket.  I dip him into the stockpot and watch his wings fan out.  I pull him out and stare in amazement at his body.  He lays in the sink and I pull at his thick white feathers and they come out in a full clump.  The skin comes along too.  I don’t know that the temperature of the water actually determines how easily the feathers come out, and if the skin comes off.  I dunk the rooster again.  It’s an odd, awkward process of me explaining to Ali that I’m cleaning the rooster so we can eat him.  I am wondering how in the world I will manage to eat something I don’t even understand how to clean.  I realize that once I have plucked the chicken I will have to cut the vent.  They make it seem so pleasant in the pictures.  I stand with my head tilted over the sink staring at the rear of this rooster with the most perplexed look.  I have a feeling many things could go wrong at this junction.  It seems my new Christmas boning knife is coming into action sooner than I had thought.  There is a moment when I consider not doing it.  I could just put the rooster in the fridge and let Raymond do it when he gets home. 

no.

So I pluck  feathers, and then I take my Christmas knife and discover the mistakes that can be made when cleaning your first rooster.  Thus, I am left with the funny smell in my kitchen.  It smells somewhat like what cleaning a rooster turns out to be for me.  Not quite pleasant, but not so unpleasant that I would leave. 

I look in my fridge.  I was vegetarian for ten years.   I never could have imagined being at this junction in my life.  Watching two dead roosters, and knowing that I would have to prepare one.  I am slowing going backwards in this process.  I know how to make chicken stock complete with chicken heads and feet.  Now I know how to pluck and clean a chicken.  Raymond says there are more roosters that will have to be killed.  This is part of my experience of understanding where my food comes from.  I will kill an animal for food.  He tells me it’s easier than one might think.   I stand there and wonder about that statement as my son runs around me screaming.  “Rock n’ Roll!  My heart is in my belly…..”

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